Do you remember how your mom used to say “Remember your manners, now!” as you were on your way out to go over to a friend’s house? A little annoying, wasn’t it? Well, today as I was reading and studying my Bible in Ephesians 4:1-3, I pondered… Is manners something we remember? Or is it a response?

Our way of being

I usually start my day by reading and studying the Bible. I follow a Bible plan, so I always know where to read – as I just continue where I left off the day before. I’m currently supposed to be reading Galatians, but I’m so stuck in Ephesians! My goodness! It’s like each word is luring me to dig deeper – and when I do, I find exciting things. Like today. 

Ok, so I started in Ephesians 4 and read this: 

“I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, 2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3 endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” – Ephesians 4:1-3 (NKJV)

When I read this, I saw that this is what our Christian walk looks like. This is our calling. This is us being like Christ. Living out Christ. It’s an everyday life of staying low. Being gentle, patient, giving each other space (over bearing) in love. With the heart of keeping unity in Christ – where we are all one, worthy, loved. 

I actually feel peaceful just reading these verses. It’s like I can breathe out. There’s no rush, no chasing things, no fighting for our rights. It’s being present. Truly seeing and acknowledging others. Enjoying the now, and enjoying the people around us – their quirks and all. 

Your manner matters

This ‘staying low and gentleness approach’ reminded me of something I was pondering recently. Somebody asked me how to counsel someone. Yes, how do you counsel someone? I love questions like this, because it get’s me thinking. It forces me to analyse, so I can break it down in order to equip others. So, to the question on how to counsel someone, I’ll answer that there are at least two important factors. One, your approach, your manner, the spirit in which you meet the counselee. Second, your conversation flow. I can share more on this in another post. The point I’m making here, is that our approach is very important. Our feel, so to speak. How we make someone feel. How we meet them. Yes, our way of being. Our manner. 

Remember your manners

Oh my, is this where our word “manners” comes from, I wondered? Is ‘manner of being’ what we refer to as ‘manners’? Wow! That makes perfect sense! It really is great manners to stay low, to be gentle, to be patient, to bear with one another in love. I can imagine this is a great part of what moms mean when they say “Remember your manners!”

Hmmm, I wonder what the English word ‘manners’ means, and what the origin of it is, I thought to myself. So I googled it. The google dictionary says that manner is: 

A way in which a thing is done or happens
A person’s outward bearing or way of behaving towards others
Polite or well-bred social behaviour

What about the origin? I found this: ‘Manners’ is Middle English: from Old French maniere, based on Latin manuarius ‘of the hand’, from manus ‘hand’.

OK, so manners comes from a root word that means ‘hand’. 

The hand does what the heart is full of

Do you see where this is going? I was so stoked. Because it’s beautiful, and it’s exactly the point that Paul is making in this verse. The hand does what the heart is full of. Our manners and our way of being (the hand) comes from our sense of identity (the heart). It’s always heart before hand, identity before behaviour, living loved before we live loving. 

Encountering Grace

Us living out lowliness, gentleness, patience, overbearing with one another in love – that’s our response to how Jesus first loved us. I live out gentleness, because He is gentle towards me. The same way He is so very patient with me, I can be patient with others. The more we know Him through listening to anointed sermons, reading, studying and meditating on the Word, worshiping Him, and enjoying our relationship with Him, the more we become like Him. 

If we start becoming impatient with others, I wonder if that calls out to us that our hearts long for Him afresh? That we have forgotten His love and gentleness towards us. And that we need to spend time in His Presence and receive His loving kindness and tender mercies towards us. – And sometimes we get to experience this through the acceptance and gentleness of another person. 

I read somewhere (I believe it was this book) of how a guy opened up about his hurts and regrets in a small group setting. While he was sharing, he looked down. He didn’t dare look into their faces, because he was so afraid that they would judge him, correct him or even look down on him. After he shared, the room went silent. He glanced up to see what was happening, and that’s when he saw their faces, their smiles, their empathy and their acceptance. That was his encounter with Grace Himself. Head knowledge became heart knowledge. Fact became his reality. – So sometimes the way we encounter Jesus’ love for us, is through the gathering of believers! That’s powerful.

Loved people Love People

So to wrap this up. I love that Paul paints a vision on the believers’ hearts. He says here in Ephesians 4, this is what our life is to look like. And in the first three chapters of Ephesians, he’s been reminding us about our identity in Christ and how much God loves us. It’s always the heart before the hand. Identity before behavior. Living loved before loving others. That’s how we won’t forget our manners, because it’s not about remembering – but about responding. And this is how we’ll live a life that matters. Yay! 

And when it comes to our kids, we get to model this to them through our own lives and how we interact with them. So, when our kids are on their way out to hang out with their friends, it’s plenty to shout: I love you! Because people who know they are loved, will love others. 

(Illustration photo from Canva)